A parents’ guide to understanding their teenagers

As parents, it can be challenging to distinguish between typical teenage rebellion and the warning signs of more serious issues that your child may be facing. 

This guide will help you navigate this delicate balance, providing insights into common teenage behaviors and red flags that may signal underlying problems, to help you support and guide your teenager.

Teenage rebellion can manifest in various ways, including:

•Challenging rules and boundaries by questioning and pushing back against the rules and restrictions set by their parents or other authority figures

•Some teenagers may experiment with new behaviors, such as trying out different hairstyles, clothing styles, new hobbies or activities

•Adolescents may question the decisions, beliefs, and values of adults in their lives as they develop their own worldviews.

•Teenagers may become more influenced by their peers, seeking approval and acceptance from their friends rather than their parents.

Also Read: How to talk to your teens about sex

Communication is crucial in dealing with teenage rebellion because it promotes understanding, trust, and the ability to address conflicts, set boundaries, and offer guidance. These include:

•Active listening.

•Open-ended questions.

•Avoid judgment.

•Setting clear expectations.

•Using “I” statements

•Respecting privacy 

•Staying calm.

•Offering support.

•Consistency.

Also Read: The unseen work taking a toll on women of all ages

Setting boundaries help balance independence and safety during this phase. This is also important because it:

• Enhances safety by guiding away from risks.
• Establishes limits for independence.
• Teaches responsibility and accountability.
• Reduces conflicts by minimizing misunderstandings.
• Promotes respect for family rules and individual right

Recognizing warning signs in your teenager is a crucial aspect of parenting during adolescence. The key difference between typical teenage rebellion and warning signs of deeper issues lies in the duration, intensity, and persistence of behaviors. Rebellion is often temporary and less severe, while warning signs involve prolonged and escalating behaviors .

As parents, it’s essential to remain attuned to our teenagers’ behaviors, as these can provide valuable insights into their well-being.

Some common behavioral changes that might signal teenage rebellion:

• Defiance
• Increased independence
• Peer orientation 
• Mood swings.
• Change in friendships
• Disinterest in school 
• Alterations in appearance 
• Communication challenges
• Academics and social struggles
• A decline in academic performance, such as dropping grades or increased truancy, can be indicative of rebellion when it reflects a lack of motivation or engagement in school.
• Social struggles, like isolation from friends or engagement in risky peer groups, can be associated with rebellious behavior
• Mental health concerns- Some teenagers may engage in rebellious behaviors as a way to cope with underlying mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or substance abuse.. 

Identifying and addressing these mental health concerns is crucial, as they can exacerbate rebellious behaviors and have long-term effects on a teenager’s well-being.

Also Read: How abuse, undiagnosed mental illness shape a mother-daughter bond

Here are a list of situations which would necessitate seeking help:

•Persistence of warning signs

•Safety concerns

•Mental health issues

•Decline in well-being

•Communication breakdown

Family support involves open communication, empathy, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help when needed. It promotes self-esteem, and encouraging self-care, all of which are vital for addressing rebellion and helping teenagers grow into well-rounded individuals.

Building resilience in teenagers involves fostering emotional regulation, critical thinking, self-esteem, problem-solving skills, healthy boundaries, positive peer relationships, open communication, goal setting, and positive role modeling. Parents can support this development by providing strong family support, helping teenagers navigate rebellion, and promoting their emotional and responsible growth. 

Understanding and addressing teenage rebellion involves recognising its normal developmental aspects while staying vigilant for potential warning signs. Effective parenting includes open communication, reasonable boundaries, support, and seeking professional help when necessary, all within the context of a trusting and supportive relationship with your teenager.

Dr Paula Goel is a paediatrician and adolescent specialist at Fayth Clinic